Canada is Cool

A survey recently came out that ranked the world's coolest and uncoolest countries. Guess where Canada ranked? The 4th uncoolest country.

Canada was cooler than only Turkey, Poland and Belgium, and less cool than Germany. Seriously? Germany is cooler than Canada?

Listen, I know a thing or two about being uncool, and Canada isn't it. Canada is not just America's hat, or where they keep their beer cold, it is a cool country.

Canada would never be excluded from birthday parties where everyone is invited except that one weird kid. And I'm not saying that happened to me at all, let alone multiple times throughout my childhood, I'm just saying it wouldn't happen to Canada, that's all. Besides, Canada is far too big for a wedgie.

Judge for yourself by asking yourself, what makes Canada unique? Here's the list I put together. And I'm not saying I have a lot of free time to put together lists because I'm not invited to parties, I'm just really good at making lists, that's all. It comes naturally.

1. We're very big, very cold, and very underpopulated. Very beautiful and diverse geography.

2. We love hockey - half the world's professionals come from our underpopulated nation.

3. We're undefeated in war, kicked ass in both world wars, and invented peacekeeping

4. We're bilingual and multi-cultural

5. We love bacon, donuts and maple syrup

6. We've got lots of great comedians, professional wrestlers and country music singers

7. We have a large, progressive government including universal health care and gun control. And also gay marriage and de-criminialized marijuana

8. We have clean cities, very low crime rates, and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police

9. We end sentences with "eh" and pronounce words that end in "out" or start with "pro" differently.

10. One of our provinces really wants to separate but never does.

If you ask me, that's a pretty cool country. If you'd rather sit next to Germany than Canada, then go right ahead. We'll have our own party and invite Belgium, Poland and Turkey and we'll be just fine. I guess we don't have much in common with them, but that's ok. We know when we're not wanted.

Just don't come around pretending we're best buddies when you're running low on oil.


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