119 Reasons for Christy to go out with Rob

Back in 1994, a young Rob found 118 reasons why a blonde classmate named Tamara should go out with him. 17 years have passed, and while almost all of the previous reasons still stand, there are now far more reasons why Christy should go out with Rob – 119!

1. When answering the front door, he will now close his robe.
2. Tried to teach uncooperative adults to read, but they just didn't understand that there was no I in team.
3. Once managed a fart so nasty that it even made the cat leave the room.
4. Can beat Einstein at chess. Mostly because he's dead.
5. Doesn't cry when chopping onions - all vegetables have that effect on him.
6. Even when in Georgia, doesn't challenge the devil to musical competitions.
7. Unlike Right Said Fred, is definitely not too sexy for any of his hats.
8. Now wears pants!
9. He is nothing if not chivalrous. And he's not chivalrous.
10. Will only wander away mid-story if you're really boring.
11. Always eats his vegetables - if you consider jelly beans to be beans.
12. Less irritating than Cliff Claven, but knows more trivia.
13. No longer farts on people's keyboards when they’re at yoga.
14. Performs random acts of kindness, with emphasis on the random.
15. Doesn't poop in the litterbox just to watch his cats bury it.
16. Can talk about space for several minutes without making a joke about Uranus.
17. Resigned from the Justin Bieber fan club to spend more time with his sweetie.
18. Doesn't pad lists.
19. Has never suffered from tennis elbow.
20. Wouldn't hug you just to dry his hands.
21. A bold, exciting man – he eats EXTREME Doritos!
22. Neighbours report that there are fewer bags of used kitty litter hurled onto their lawns these days.
23. Wouldn't use you as a human shield if ever the target of a US Strike Force.
24. Is far less likely to pretend to be airsick on a plane.
25. Doesn't always make a sound when you walk through the security scanners at a store, nor stick an item as you walk through. BEEEP!
26. Has never taken a fire truck on a joy ride.
27. Refuses to eat at Boston Pizza ever since they caused the oil spill in the Gulf.
28. Never rolled up the car window on your neck.
29. Pets wait for him at the door every day. (To leave)
30. Has cured previous girlfriends of their fear of darkness. In fact, they now prefer it.
31. Buys lottery tickets for disliked colleagues.
32. Will not always hop off an elevator when a pregnant woman gets on .
33. Wants to be Eliot Ness. Not to be an untouchable or catch Al Capone, but for all the child naming possibilities.
34. Recognizes wiping his nose with his tie as bad etiquette.
35. Wins if he can, loses if he must, but always cheats.
36. Gives his leftover fortune cookies to street people.
37. Doesn't usually blame people for having stupid names when he forgets them or gets them wrong.
38. Knows that Brutus the Barber Beefcake isn't really a barber.
39. Avoid unwanted pregnancies by practicing extreme obstinance with the ladies.
40. Gives bad news in a Kermit the Frog voice.
41. Knows damn well where Carmen Sandiego is.
42. Can now watch Star Wars without making wookie sounds.
43. He’s no licorice racist! He will eat the black licorice equally.
44. He's no oven expert, but he knows that the Dutch don't actually cook that way.
45. Completed several marathons. P.S. Star Trek marathons count.
46. His excellent knowledge of world history allows him to offend practically anyone.
47. On elevators wouldn't put gum over the "ground floor" button.
48. Uses breakfast cereals as pet names .
49. Is happy, knows it, claps his hands.
50. Can't be stopped, not even for Hammer Time.
51. Is fluently bilingual, even his French teachers acknowledged that by calling him "franchement Robert."
52. As a professional journalist he can tell you exactly how much the Oilers suck.
53. Absolutely loves animals. They're delicious!
54. Never posed as a teenage girl on World of Warcraft.
55. It's been years since he dressed as Britney Spears for Hallowe'en.
56. Can show you were to park on a cul-de-sac using the top of his head.
57. Orders Moons Over My Happy at Denny's just for the name.
58. Has more experience than an NDP MP.
59. Keeps an old Speak & Spell around to call home just in case E.T. returns.
60. Is obviously yet to destroy the planet with a Cold Fusion weapon.
61. Always takes the time to laugh and explain why you've overpaid for something.
62. Makes trumpet sounds when grabbing your ass.
63. He fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
64. No need to compete for his time with the gym.
65. When he said that talking with you was a great way to waste an hour, it was a compliment. Come on, he said it was a GREAT way!
66. He always has great Hallowe'en costumes, like the creepy guy who stares at the girl dressed as Xena. Or Roman Senator.
67. Doesn't waste a lot of money on hair products.
68. Is not a Sith Lord.
69. He's so young-looking that they didn't even check his ID at A&W when he ordered a Teen Burger.
70. Was never, ever at risk of catching H1N1 from a girl.
71. The surgeon general offered him a cigarette.
72. Only steals a few jokes from Rodney Dangerfield.
73. Will not make up stories about cough syrup or fertilizer when used as a job reference.
74. His face and a baby's bottom grow more similar every day, and in more ways.
75. He's not after your lucky charms, so relax.
76. Not once did he ever throw your purse out the window.
77. Has a whole section named after him in the employee code of conduct!
78. Still undefeated at pole vaulting. Unbelievable!
79. Doesn't giggle while watching UFC every time someone says "rear naked choke" or "ground and pound."
80. Knows exactly what Willis was talkin' 'bout.
81. Is happy to fix any spelling and grammar mistakes you may make on love notes.
82. Never bitten by a radioactive spider.
83. At Hallowe'en kids give HIM candy.
84. His personal hygiene is at least as good as Michael Landon's sidekick on Highway to Heaven.
85. You rhyme with what you eat, and he doesn't eat too many eggrolls.
86. Talks about his poo less frequently.
87. Ok, no he doesn't, but he tries.
88. He knows how to show someone a good time. Just take them some place nice, find a happy couple, and say "there's one!"
89. He may be insane in the membrane, but his brain is just fine .
90. Enjoys looking at animals mating, especially those of incompatible species.
91. What an environmentalist. If it's brown, he'll flush it down, but if it's yellow, he lets it smellow.
92. Got side-view mirrors where objects are exactly as large as they appear.
93. Has his own reasons for reading National Geographic.
94. Since laughter is the best medicine, you could say he's almost as good as Nyquil.
95. Isn't responsible for Elizabeth's nickname. Come on, "Lizard-Breath" just snuck out!
96. Doesn't always make puns when served peas.
97. He knew Captain Underpants when he was just a Lieutenant .
98. Can sit motionless on the couch for hours.
99. Doesn't make assumptions, because they make an "ass" out of "u" and "mption."
100. Can change the lyrics of practically any song to be about something highly inappropriate.
101. No longer unleashes fart balloons at kid's parties.
102. Will sweep the garbage off the passenger car seat for you. Nothing is too good for his lady!
103. Recently outgrew wearing his popcorn bucket as a hat.
104. His long-winded stories occasionally have a point if you stick with it long enough.
105. Just 98 legs shy of being a centipede.
106. His frequent mispronunciations of McManus' name are unintentional.
107. He studied a broad.
108. He'll keep you abreast.
109. Is very discrete about his lack of post-bathroom hand-washing.
110. Is serious, AND you can call him Shirley.
111. Hasn't been booed by a Peeping Tom in years.
112. Calls wet farts the far classier "farts with benefits."
113. Was sent to the Gulf after the oil spill, because he can plug anything.
114. Doesn’t always change the lyrics of "Simply the Best" by Tina Turner to be about him.
115. Never talks about race or religion! You know, unless it's part of a joke.
116. So inspired by Schindler that he keeps a list of all his friends and how much he would spend to save them from Nazis.
117. Made only one reference to Nazis in this list.
118. Knows how to invest his time in productive ways.
119. The world ends in 2012 anyway, what the heck!


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